|Lack of updates
||[May. 26th, 2004|01:09 am]
|||||Evanesence - My Immortal||]|
I've just been too busy. We've gotten settled in and the kids are happy. They seem to be asking to go to my parents' alot, but I've been reserving that for Saturdays when my mom is at work. There is a reason we don't live with them!
Last week sometime, my mom called. "We miss you! We love you! When are you coming by???".....I thought to myself, "Wow...maybe she really just misses us"....Boy, was I wrong. We'd been there all of 15 minutes before she launched in about jobs, kids, "catching" Morgan up over the summer for what she "missed" while being homeschooled. Give me a freakin' break!
I've been working on getting more involved in the community around here. Morgan is re-connecting with some of her old school friends.
So now on to more trivial matters......I changed this journal to friends only because I'm currently in a very delicate situation. This is my place to vent my frustrations, cry, scream, laugh and share my feelings about everything. I haven't been doing that. Why, you ask? Because it doesn't feel safe. There are a few people on my friends list that are friends with him. Don't get me wrong...I love you guys. However, I feel a little over-exposed here. I fear that at any point, my "moments of frustration" or anger, rage, sadness, etc...can easily become an open book to him. That's the absolute last thing either of us need. I don't want to know when he's vented about me. I accept it for what it is. He's angry, hurt, etc,...part of the process in a seperation. For the most part, I'm not angry. Of course, that's probably because I'm the one that decided to leave. However, that doesn't mean this is easy for me.
So I'm going to ask you now...If you are here because you honestly just care about how I'm doing, then pull up a chair and feel free to read my open book. But, if you think the temptation to make this harder on him (or myself) by relaying any future "outbursts" I may have is just too strong, I implore you to find your way to the door now. Remove me, don't look back and leave a comment letting me know so I can take you off my list.
I can't play nice anymore by pretending I don't have feelings. I do, and I need to be able to vent when the mood strikes me and not sit around for days afterward waiting for the bottom to drop out.
I am gay.
I am getting a divorce.
My husband has been my best friend for 8 years and losing that is killing me.
This is who I am. This is me, exposed and naked for the world to see.
He's not the bad guy....I'm not the bad guy. We were both bad to each other over the years, but there is a lot of love under this bridge.
Please let us get through it the best we can and come out better parents to our kids and better friends in the end.