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And on the other side of the coin... - Sichy [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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And on the other side of the coin... [Sep. 6th, 2004|11:00 pm]
[mood |crankycranky]
[music |Fuel - Sunburn (Yes, I really *am* listening to this song)]

Completely contradictory to my earlier "Moon-Loving-Barefoot-Hippie" personality...we have the apparently unreasonable and totally illogical psychotic woman.

It has been implied that I am insane because I am not comfortable with my kids coming home from my mother's house with sunburns. She forgot the sunscreen when she took them to the pool. A pool that is 1 minute away from her house. Less than a mile. In the same neighborhood.

I'm sorry, this, to me, is unacceptable. No, I am not sorry. It *should* be unacceptable.

I suggested that they not go over there to visit if the basics can't be attended to. They insinuated I was crazy.

Let me be perfectly clear. I live my life on *my* terms these days. I don't owe anyone anything. I am kind and caring and loving. This does NOT mean I will be a doormat. Nor does it mean that I will allow my children to go where I don't feel they are being properly cared for.

We don't live with them. We don't ask them for anything. It really chaps my ass that my mother feels the need to point out how "helpful" she is because they spent the night at her house. They didn't spend the night there because I didn't want them here. They spent the night there because they wanted to spend time with their grandparents. Novel though, that. Kids wanting to spend time with their family. Go figure.

What chaps my ass even more? That my father said I was being silly. My mom, yeah. I don't expect her to understand. My father, though???? I hate fighting with him. However, I'm not backing down. Those are my kids. It is my responsibility to make sure they are well taken care of. I know that at home, they are. Why should I expect less when they go to their grandparents house?

Perhaps I'd understand his view if this had been *one* time. This has happened every single time she's taken them to the pool. This is the same lady who put baby oil on me and sat me to cook in the sun at age 2 so that I would look more olive complected and look more like her biological child. *snort*

Mind you, I didn't call them screaming. I was calm. I just stated that I thought maybe they ought not come spend large amounts of time over there if it was going to result in sunburns and heartbroken little boys.

That's the other thing. My mom won't let them bring anything home with them. Things I bought them. She says "They won't have it next time they come over". Oh, I assure you. They will remind me if they are forgetting Buzz Lightyear, Barbie, A Special Pillow or any number of things that they think they can't live without for the night. Why fight with them about it???

My kids aren't spoiled. They can go to Toys R' Us and never once throw a wailing shit-fit about me not buying them something. They also know what they need to spend the night somewhere. It's rediculous to not let them have their things. If we were still living 700 miles away, I could understand. As it stands, we live 5 minutes away. If they forget something...I can drop it by. Not a big deal.

MY terms people. MY life. MY kids. MY bills. MY home. MY TERMS.

This year, for Christmas, we are staying here. Mom was so not thrilled to hear that. I'm sorry. We have 4 small children in the house and are likely adding a 5th over the holiday. You can come see them. You can come eat with us. We aren't going somewhere that it's immoral to drop a piece of wrapping paper on the floor. You want to see us? Come here.

I am so very fucking over the bullshit, folks. Me, Myself and I have to make our way in this world and damnit, we are.


[User Picture]From: slavescreams
2004-09-07 02:25 am (UTC)
I agree

and ill drink to that rant

*raises glass*

cheers to queers!
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[User Picture]From: rimmie
2004-09-07 05:56 am (UTC)
you are not insane for feeling that way and HELLO does she not remember when we dropped the snake and other stuffed animals at the house?
and OMG making a two year old burn intentionaly is like child abuse you think?
and does 5th child mean Madison????? For good or just a holiday visit?
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[User Picture]From: sichernde_seele
2004-09-07 06:14 am (UTC)
Just a holiday visit. As much as I dearly miss my boy, he's getting so much of what he needs right now. I won't be selfish and take that away from him.

But I am hoping to have a house full of love and children for Christmas. :)

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[User Picture]From: sichernde_seele
2004-09-07 06:19 am (UTC)
Well, the reason we aren't going over there for Christmas is an entirely different issue. We wouldn't go over there anyway.

I'm sure Nate would tell you that holidays at my folks house is like spending the holiday in hell.

Although my father is a firm believer in letting kids be kids and have fun...my mother ruins it the minute she opens her mouth. No paper can touch the floor. There is no tearing into presents and jumping for joy. It's very scripted and they can't jump up and throw their arms around someone and say "THANK YOU!" because they might break something.

So we're just gonna stay here. Where we expect things to get broken from time to time. Where kids can laugh and play in a sea of wrapping paper and bows and boxes.

If those family members that no longer have small children of their own wish to see the mini-packages of destructive nature....they can damn well drive on over and see them. We have our own family and would like to spend it in a happy place.

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From: barefootboi
2004-09-07 06:37 am (UTC)
I agree --- exposing children to sunburns is kind of on the level of exposing them to a toxic chemical.
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From: barefootboi
2004-09-07 06:35 am (UTC)
With all we know about skin cancer these days, it's a different world.

My mother used to let me run around like a half-naked little savage all summer, with no thought to sunscreen. Now my mother reminds me to "use a moisturizer with SPF 15 or higher every day, because you can be exposed to UV rays even when it's cloudy". She's fanatical about it.

While I'm sure anybody can make a mistake and get sunburned once in a great while, it sounds like your mom is openly disregarding the risks.

If you know in advance they're going to the pool, is it feasable to consider slathering the kids up with sunscreen *before* you drop them off?

Any idea WHY your mom is in denial about the risks of sun exposure?
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[User Picture]From: sichernde_seele
2004-09-07 06:44 am (UTC)
Unfortunately, in this instance, I had dropped them off the night before.

The pool is now closed. But it bothers me that if she'll forget *this* important thing...what about the other important things? Like brushing their teeth. Or making sure they eat right. Or any number of little things that can greatly impact the rest of their lives.

It really burns me up that she goes on and on about how much she "helps" us and I still fail to see how. *boggle*

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[User Picture]From: a_little_rain
2004-09-07 07:49 am (UTC)
For what it's worth I think you are one hundred percent right. Stand your ground.
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[User Picture]From: sichernde_seele
2004-09-07 02:44 pm (UTC)
It's always been that way. She's always been a control freak. Which is why I'm not going to make my kids suffer her wrath. We like happy holidays. Not obsessive/compulsive freak-out holidays. :)

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