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You have not earned the right.... - Sichy [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Sichernde_Seele

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You have not earned the right.... [Jun. 4th, 2004|04:30 pm]
Sichernde_Seele
[mood |pissed offpissed off]
[music |Gorillaz - Clint Eastwood]

I protected you. For years. Still, I protect you. Recently, I could have gotten a helping hand. I didn't. Why? Because it would have meant fucking you right up the ass with a chainsaw.

So fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. And furthermore, FUCK YOU.

It is NOT difficult to put a couple of wallet sized pictures in an envelope, stick a stamp on it and mail it. I asked for that a MONTH AGO. Today you tell me "When I get around to it". Listen, you spiteful little asshat.....The stamps are on my fucking desk. The envelopes are in the kitchen.

I also left you my printer/copier/scanner. Why? Because I thought you might NEED it while working on your "business". So now you're waiting tables and taking 2 weeks to scan a document that I need? Fuck that.

You pretentious, short-sighted, selfish little man. EIGHT years. I tried. Tell me I didn't. Believe that if you wish. But I tried. I tried so hard it almost killed me at times. And yeah, you gotta know being gay is SO much easier than being "normal". Fuck that.

When Madison was born, you wanted nothing to do with it. I didn't come after you for support. I didn't take any legal action. I asked only that you be available for a future phone call.

When you begged me to come to Florida...that you had seen the light and were suddenly in love with me...I believed you. I dropped my life and came running, only to find out years later that you LIED to me. Do you think I ever really got over that???

When I made one last ditch effort to save at least part of our relationship, you told me "Oh, now that I know it's there, it doesn't matter".....Gee, thanks. Appreciate that. Well, appreciate this, fuckhead, it was ALWAYS painful. But I made the effort anyway.

In the last eight years, we have BOTH done a lot wrong. We've also BOTH done a lot right. In the end, it just couldn't work. Funny how 2 months ago you said "If it ends, I won't be a jerk this time." Really. Captain Jerkypants?????? That's so fucking amusing.

You've got your online dating profiles, you've got a job, you've got ONE OF OUR CHILDREN....What more do you want from me?????? Since I've left, I haven't asked much of you. I've asked for 2 wallet sized pics of Max and a scan of our tax info for my FAFSA. Morgan has been checking the mail daily waiting for her books that you promised you'd send her. Get your head out of your ass.

You can be angry, but you have NOT earned the right to have possession of most of my shit and not be able to answer reasonable requests.

So, step down off your high fucking horse and stop acting like a brat. You've been protected till now, but I'm not gonna fight for you anymore. The state wants you? Fine, let them have you, you miserable bastard.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: lucareverie
2004-06-05 07:28 am (UTC)
I'm sorry - I don't know if you want me intruding on your business and I probably shouldn't be doing it anyway, but here's my three quarters:

Your obvious anger is very overwhelming. I almost (read: don't) feel sorry for the dipshit who caused you to feel this much pain and...well...rage.

I tried so hard it almost killed me at times.

I can't say that I know what it feels like to give eight years of your life away. I can, however, acknowledge above feeling. Maybe not on the same wavelength or even sense of perceptions, but just so you know - my inbox is constantly open.

From what I gathered, being miserable for eight years brought your three wonderful children. So some of it was worth it, I gather? ;)

Hope you find peace soon enough. And keep on with the strength.
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[User Picture]From: sichernde_seele
2004-06-05 10:37 am (UTC)
There are things that I would trade for anything. I know it doesn't appear so from the above post, but he's my absolute best friend and I *do* miss that.

Right now, he's being a complete and total jerk. So, that's me venting. It passes quickly.

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