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Lack of updates - Sichy [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Sichernde_Seele

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Lack of updates [May. 26th, 2004|01:09 am]
Sichernde_Seele
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[music |Evanesence - My Immortal]

I've just been too busy. We've gotten settled in and the kids are happy. They seem to be asking to go to my parents' alot, but I've been reserving that for Saturdays when my mom is at work. There is a reason we don't live with them!

Last week sometime, my mom called. "We miss you! We love you! When are you coming by???".....I thought to myself, "Wow...maybe she really just misses us"....Boy, was I wrong. We'd been there all of 15 minutes before she launched in about jobs, kids, "catching" Morgan up over the summer for what she "missed" while being homeschooled. Give me a freakin' break!

I've been working on getting more involved in the community around here. Morgan is re-connecting with some of her old school friends.

So now on to more trivial matters......I changed this journal to friends only because I'm currently in a very delicate situation. This is my place to vent my frustrations, cry, scream, laugh and share my feelings about everything. I haven't been doing that. Why, you ask? Because it doesn't feel safe. There are a few people on my friends list that are friends with him. Don't get me wrong...I love you guys. However, I feel a little over-exposed here. I fear that at any point, my "moments of frustration" or anger, rage, sadness, etc...can easily become an open book to him. That's the absolute last thing either of us need. I don't want to know when he's vented about me. I accept it for what it is. He's angry, hurt, etc,...part of the process in a seperation. For the most part, I'm not angry. Of course, that's probably because I'm the one that decided to leave. However, that doesn't mean this is easy for me.

So I'm going to ask you now...If you are here because you honestly just care about how I'm doing, then pull up a chair and feel free to read my open book. But, if you think the temptation to make this harder on him (or myself) by relaying any future "outbursts" I may have is just too strong, I implore you to find your way to the door now. Remove me, don't look back and leave a comment letting me know so I can take you off my list.

I can't play nice anymore by pretending I don't have feelings. I do, and I need to be able to vent when the mood strikes me and not sit around for days afterward waiting for the bottom to drop out.

I am gay.

I am getting a divorce.

My husband has been my best friend for 8 years and losing that is killing me.

This is who I am. This is me, exposed and naked for the world to see.

He's not the bad guy....I'm not the bad guy. We were both bad to each other over the years, but there is a lot of love under this bridge.

Please let us get through it the best we can and come out better parents to our kids and better friends in the end.

Thanks,
Sichy
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: dksluvsfwm
2004-05-25 11:27 pm (UTC)
I am here for you whatever you need. I am thinking of making mine friends only also. I just want to know how to make a friends onlky banner.
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[User Picture]From: sichernde_seele
2004-05-25 11:28 pm (UTC)
I found the "always friends only" script in the LJ Options somewhere. I'll see if I can dig it up again...

And, thanks. :)
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[User Picture]From: dksluvsfwm
2004-05-25 11:31 pm (UTC)
No Problem
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From: logane
2004-05-26 12:05 am (UTC)

Your icon

Your icon always makes me think of that bittersweet, beautific look Mulder got on his face watching Scully with the baby. Sigh. Poor baby. Its mommy was abducted and its daddy became a supersoldier.
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[User Picture]From: dksluvsfwm
2004-05-26 01:08 am (UTC)

Re: Your icon

Mulder never became a supersoldier. I just wonder why he never asked where his son was when he returned in season 8.
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From: logane
2004-05-26 01:13 am (UTC)

Re: Your icon

In your icon, that's Billy Miles and Theresa Hoese's baby that Scully is holding, in the season 7 episode Requiem. That's what I was refering to. Theresa was abuducted (and returned in Dead/Alive), and Billy became a supersoldier. If you recall the episode The Truth in season 9, Scully says to Mulder, "I have to tell you about William. I have to tell you what I've done." and Mulder replies, "Skinner already told me."
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[User Picture]From: dksluvsfwm
2004-05-26 01:19 am (UTC)

Re: Your icon

Oh ok. I don't pay too much attention to anything other than their relationship.
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[User Picture]From: sichernde_seele
2004-05-26 01:21 am (UTC)

Re: Your icon

*sits back and giggles maniacally*....

I live with an X-Files fanatic...yet, I have seen all of like 5 episodes...ever. He's gonna make me sit down and watch them one day.

LONG LIVE BUFFY, DAMNIT!!!

*wonders if I've had too much LiveWire at this hour*

Just remember, I'm driving!!!!

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[User Picture]From: dksluvsfwm
2004-05-26 01:30 am (UTC)

Re: Your icon

Buffy I liked because SMG returned to a bitchy role much like she was as Kendall on All My children.
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[User Picture]From: sichernde_seele
2004-05-26 01:58 am (UTC)
Cruel Intentions....RAWR

I didn't get into Buffy until someone forced me to sit down and watch "Once More, With Feeling"...after that, I was hooked.

A lot of the series' that are now over and I'm going back and retro-watching were on when I was working a lot of shiftwork and unable to catch them.

Religiously, without fail, for years, I've made it a point to be off work on Thursday nights..at least in time for ER. Won't miss it.

Aside from that, TV is usually a more passive thing for me. It's only been recently that I've started actively watching more shows.

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[User Picture]From: dksluvsfwm
2004-05-26 02:17 am (UTC)
I love ER. I hate what they are doing to Carrie Weaver.
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[User Picture]From: sichernde_seele
2004-05-26 02:18 am (UTC)
Yeah, I actually yelled at the TV when she made her speech in front of the judge. "HELL YES!"....the cats ran screaming. LOL
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[User Picture]From: dksluvsfwm
2004-05-26 02:19 am (UTC)
lol.
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[User Picture]From: jaxia
2004-05-27 11:22 am (UTC)

Friends Only

I'm not sure the friends only thing is working, because I just created my account so you couldn't have me added yet, could you?
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[User Picture]From: sichernde_seele
2004-05-27 02:08 pm (UTC)
Yep, I added you when you sent me the message. That will allow you to read everything past and present that is "friends only"...if it has the little "lock" icon, it means you're special. :)
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[User Picture]From: jaxia
2004-05-27 04:06 pm (UTC)
Woo! I'm special. I get it now. Thanks for the edjumacashun.
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