Don't be too hard on your mom, Holls. She has your entire lifetime of experience with you. I know a lot has changed, you may even find that some things have, and some things haven't. But SHE is looking at it from the outside. How many times have you said "I'll see it through, don't worry" and then not (for whatever reason). At this stage of the game the fact that the reasons were important at the time doesn't matter. The fact that you let it stop you (as opposed to just slowing you down) is what she sees. And no matter how crazy our mothers make us, they do only want us to have the things we want/need.
That finishing things issue is one I've had to struggle with. It'd be a lot easier to walk away from things sometimes. I think you're ready to dig in your heels. Just don't forget to do that on the important (read: really hard fuckers) parts, too. School, for instance. I know circumstances have changed, but it doesn't negate that you need to make some decisions on your future.
Eventually you want/need to be able to care for your family financially without relying on outside assistance. In order to do that you need a career, something that you will enjoy for the rest of your life. Not just that, but something that will pay you enough to live comfortably. I know how big your family is, and what it costs to feed and clothe them. I have one! And the harsh reality is it will take a good bit of money to do that and then see them through college.
Start making your decisions today. Do you remember Jon Helmic? He pushed me constantly. Make a decision. Make it happen. It's your life. Why do you say "I want to go back to school"? Why don't you say "I'm going back to school"? He taught me something vital. If I do nothing, nothing will change. If I first make a choice, then take steps to make that decision happen, it will.
Now, it doesn't matter what is. I make a choice on it. Then I follow that decision. Even choosing not to decide is a choice, and a right poor one. It is better to choose wrong than to let someone else choose for you. At least if you choose wrong you can change your fucking mind. If people don't like your choices, they don't HAVE to. They are your choices to make. (Yes, it's similar to "those are you kids to fuck up, the rest of the world can go get fucked")
Anyway, enough of that for the day. I have homework to do!
I suppose I understand those feelings more coming from you, or Nathan, or Logan. In particular, it's my mother.
Those that know her, understand why she's not got a place to speak like that to others about me.
She never had to work hard for anything. She likes to berate those who do work hard. She likes to minimize that they are doing anything, then whine about her part time job working in retail. She likes to tell me how to raise my kids, even though she didn't do much with us. When we were sick, she didn't take care of us. She made sure we "suffered" for missing a day of school or told us how we ruined her plans for the day.
She had 2 kids. 5 years apart. She says "Three kids is hard", but it's not a compliment. It's a put-down. She gets on the phone with her friends and tells them that "Holly really needs to XYZ", etc.
She consistantly lies in wait for the chance to say "I told you so" or "Well, if you'd done this"....yet, she has no experience.
She's spent 40 years spending my dad's money and taking everything everyone tells her and saying "Okay", but not listening. Then she listens to what the Jones' think and throws it into everyone else's life. Like we really give a rat's ass about what so and so is doing. "Well, so and so's daughter works at Wal-Mart and makes good money"....I don't care.
The reason I have such a serious problem with it at this point is that I've not asked her for anything. She wasn't happy about me moving back. I've not asked her to keep the kids. She begs to come and get them or for me to bring them by. I go by, I get an earful of bullshit. I choose not to put up with it. I don't live there, I'm not asking for her help, I won't be berated by her. I just won't do it.
*whew* Sorry, didn't mean to go off on a 3 page gripe about the bitch, but that's her, in a nutshell. I can understand the people who truly care and have watched me nearly drown for years now. Her, I can't. She doesn't do it out of love. I can promise you that.
Eh, we've had this conversation. What she thinks is not what is. Only you know the difference in the end.
Unfortunately for us and our children, everyone can only use what they think in order to live. What's best is forever a question of preception.
It's too bad 'STFU, Mom, you n00b' doesn't work. ;)
Yarha, Parents Want What's Best for Us or What They Think is Best for Us?
P. Larkin (poet laureate) has a poem on parenting:
This Be the Verse
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.
Yarha, And So It Goes