||[Aug. 1st, 2004|10:39 pm]
|||||Edie Brickell - What I Am||]|
Some days, I just don't get people. I don't have a problem with people having issues. But, god damnit, if you're gonna rain on my fucking parade, I at least deserve an explaination. I'm so over people saying they are fine when they aren't really fine.
If you're good at hiding it, great. If it doesn't seep and ooze from you like a bad funk, fine. But if you're gonna throw that shit all up on me, then have the courage to say why.
I start a new job tomorrow. I'm excited as hell about it. Kids start school next week. Again, excited as hell. Things are starting to look up in a grand way. Good job, decent income, good job prospect for roomate, kids are good and healthy. The future is looking like it's going somewhere other than a dead end off the cliff of Dead Man's Curve. People having shitty days or weeks or months doesn't bring me down. People being down and leaving me to try to figure out the cause of it does.
Non-Confrontational Holly is gone, people. She no longer exists. Elvis has left the building. Gone, gone, gone. Out the door. Time's up. Get the picture?
It's my personal opnion (note the word opnion) that if you act like something *is* wrong, then you want someone to ask. If you didn't, you wouldn't be showing your feelings like peacock feathers.
I say, No More Bullshit. If you're gonna bring it...and you're gonna show it....then do NOT make me feel like complete and utter shit when I ask. Cause you *know* good and well I will ask. You also know I'm gonna wonder and worry about it. The night before I start a new job, I'm gonna sit here and think "WTF?".
And before any of you here go getting your panties in an uproar, this is a general "I'm sick of this shit" statement. It's coming from several directions and I'm sending it back out with a huge "Return to Sender" stamp on it.
I care too god damned much about my friends to NOT be worried when I sense things aren't going well. Try as I might, I can't stop caring. But I can, and will, stop putting myself in a position of being around people who make me feel this way.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Good luck today ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
I am so happy for you starting your new job
If someone is demonstrably unhappy but refuses to tell you about it, you might consider if the cause of their unhappiness has something to do with you one way or t'other. People tend to be more rational than just refusing to tell you their problems in case it might spoil your happiness.
Misery loves company. Loves to blurt out its cause. If misery is refusin' to dump itself upon you, there might well be a reason why.
Yarha, Always Inquisitive
I think you have a point, but if they aren't going to get it out and talk about it, then they need to better job of hiding the misery. Ya know? Don't act like something is wrong and refuse to talk about it.
After last night, I somehow doubt that you're talking about me. :)
I've had that problem from the other side all my life. When I'm angry, upset, perturbed, irritated, annoyed, sad or whatever, it shows. As you say, it oozes and seeps out of every pore. The thing is, though, my negativity shows itself the same exact way and I'm not always ready to talk about it. So, if I'm sad because of something I read in the news, or I'm angry because of the government or I'm annoyed with the kids or life is just plain ole getting me down, every person who approaches me thinks I am angry with them. Everyone also assumes I'm fired up and ready to delineate all my feelings at the moment they come to me.
Lots of times, I need some space and time to figure myself out. Lots of times, whatever is bugging me has nothing to do with other people. Some times, it has to do with one person but I know it's something trivial and I want to calme down before I talk about it.
You have to be ready to accept that sometimes people aren't able to discuss things rationally or reasonably for a while. It may not be about you at all.
It's not so much the fact that people get upset. I've got this knack for reading people. There are times that I, too, just need to go sit in a corner with my thoughts.
I'm talking about the folks who spend days and weeks baiting me with "Oh, I'll leave you alone", or "No, someone else needs your attention more than me", but you can see that they are lying.
I just don't have the energy anymore to beg someone to let me help them. I'd like to help, and do when it's asked for. I just can't lay down my life to pull it out of people who can't be honest.
I guess "I told you so" would be out of line.
How about this, instead: "I'm sorry you're learning lessons now that I learned five years ago." Or this: This too shall pass. If you kill them it will stop (one of my all-time-favorites...thank Tam). Your failure to plan does not indicate an emergency on my part (thank you again, Tam).
My general rule now is...if you can ask (verbally or not) I will help you. If you are insistent upon living in a hell of your creation I WILL NOT WATCH. The instant you ask, and are willing to accept that help, I am there for you. But...I think you learned that one already.
There's a lot of odd thoughts that wrap up in this. All healing is self healing. I cannot stand behind you unless you can stand to begin with. Nothing is as sweet as walking free. Freedom cannot truly be known and cherished unless you have lost it. Walking free is the key to flying free. On wings of flame I will fly free. Oak trees have roots that are made for otters to play around. Lizards are fun. The difference between pleasure and pain is a very thin line, drawn in graphite with a very broad brush. Silence is the way to promote evil.
I'll stop now.
You don't have to stop. That last paragraph was amazing. :)
Now I think I need a t-shirt made with the last "Tam" phrase. "Your failure to plan does not indicate an emergency on my part".
Like I said to Not Hothead..It's not so much that I see people in pain and it pisses me off that they come near me. It's the obvious lie in their eyes. The begging for help, but wanting me to work for it.
Right now, I have a lot of work that needs to be done. For me. For Holly. So that it can, in turn, effect my kids in a positive way. My life, my job, my heart..all in a positive way.
Don't ever stop. I'm only sorry it took me so long to hear you.